Stupid Hormones!

Seasonal Nuisances

first published in 2008

During the past half year I haven’t been watching the telly a lot, but now that there was the Christmas break I had a bit of slouch time around my hands, and have been just hanging around in my beloved armchair, zapping through the channels. And all of a sudden something that I knew, that everybody knows, which even has become a cliché, hit home. Now that I looked at everything in a more analysing way I realised HOW rubbish these adverts are. Right before Christmas it’s all about fragrance, toys and food. But bang on New Years day it’s all about slimming down.

I’m writing this because: Please, please, please! Don’t fall into those advert traps. I’m going to make it as vivid as possible to remind you that these people want to sell something; they are not the least bit interested into your wellbeing! We know it! Of course we know it! But, could be working, couldn’t it? Might be … would be so wonderful if it would…

Remember, all the food adverts, the sauces pouring in slow motion from spoons onto caramelised somethings and glazed don’tknowwhats getting flamed with brandy. Tables bending under the weight of the food and everybody is so happy. Nobody is bloated or overeating or overweight. And then WHAM! ...You have to fit into those jeans which are two numbers too small. Buy a bigger one, for crying out loud!

Did you ever manage to read the thin line written under the Kellogs advert. The one where an actually not too chubby lady tries to get to her lovely red shoes while wearing these damn jeans. It only shows for a brief moment and reads something like: Only if eaten alongside a sensible diet. Sweetheart, if I’m eating a sensible diet then I lose weight anyway, then I don’t need to spoil my day with that stuff.

However, the advert which made me really furious was about some pharmacy which sells scales and devices to measure the body fat – from £9.99. We have such a thing, and it’s not working! There is a lot of black magic around these measurements, I can’t even list where all the hiccups are lying. But Detlef researched it, and he is pretty darn good in these things. He explained it to me when we got this thing as sort of an experiment, and it was so much to learn about it that I forgot half of it instantly.

We got it when we realised that we actually improved our shape without changing weight, and wanted to see if it is possible to measure that we gained muscle and lost fat. And this thing is measuring the weirdest numbers. Especially in me being a woman. It gives you percentages of fat, muscle and water. However, throughout the cycle I retain or lose about 3 lbs of water. As a body can’t be more than 100% - if water goes up the others must come down. Losing the water, all of a sudden the fat shoots up again. Probably one might see realistic changes with only using it once a quarter. But that’s not what we do, is it? We are told that we have to lose the weight NOW, QUICKLY and that this is the device to help.

Probably I should do my own advert at this point and remind you of some of my older articles: Have a look at ‘The Way We Are’ and ‘The Little Tale’ which hopefully will become a starting point for a healthier perception of yourselves. I know: It’s a bit of a contradiction of me telling you to start believing into yourselves and stop listening to others…

So listen one more time … You have it all in you already! If you are honest to yourselves, sitting alone in a cosy corner with your favourite drink and dimmed lights … then you know what you want, what you need and what you have to do to get it!

Nobody needs to tell you that, you just will know. Lucky you if you find that you are absolutely fine with the way your life goes, for all the others usually the scary bit is the: ‘What you have to do to get it’ part. There are all these ‘BUTs’ that might make you stop thinking about it, before you even started. You might have to change your lifestyle, have to be hard on others in order to find the time, have to ask for help or at least moral support, your social environment might change, and if you fail there is embarrassment involved. And it will be hard work, nothing to be done in a jiffy – and, the scariest thing of all: It will never end!

To be successful you will have to commit to it for good!

But you know what? If you are really true to yourself, than this last one is the ONLY real hiccup holding you back. It’s a big one, I admit. However, if you feel a true commitment to your quest, all the other things will fade. They still need dealing with, but they CAN be dealt with because YOU WANT to. All it really needs is ‘That you want to!’

And no product in the world, however expensive, will be able to help you to get to that state of mind!

What are you still doing here? You promised me to follow your own instincts. Off you go into your cosy corner, get your drink, dim the light and start thinking and dreaming!

Well, and when you have come to a conclusion … you might want to consider browsing through the lifestyle section to get some ideas on where to start, and the nutrition and sport section might give you some inspiration as well. And when you get an idea which I didn’t come up with: Write it down! And send it to me!

Head Cold

I don't know if this word exists, but I think it should. I mean this type of cold where the head feels heavy and like a pressure cooker between the eyes, one is really really tired and the nose is running although it is blocked.
It starts with a bit of sneezing and feeling knackered and then things go very quickly until one feels like hit by a train.
Chest cold is different, it starts with a bit of a sore throat and possibly a swollen gland, a bit of coughing and then if it is getting really bad the voice goes entirely.
I'm not really interested in what sort of virus or bacteria is causing it, I only want to get rid of them - quickly.

Rule of Thumb

There is one rough rule of thumb, though: First symptoms are usually caused by virus, at that time everything slippery flowing from nose and throat is rather clear. That's when doctors say: Go home and have a rest. The silly virus the body has to fight off all by itself, the only thing possible is to give the body some support.
Everything yellowish is usually caused by bacteria which were happy to find a body with a virus damaged immune system. It's a bit as if you just fought off a pack of wolves and now the vultures are closing in.
So if a cold stays for several days without getting better and then turning yellow, it's time to see the doctor. Vultures can be fought off by antibiotics.
This article is not really scientific and entirely based on my experience. I just thought I'd let you know what helped me well.

My Diagnosis

Head Cold as depicted above

Tasks

Avoiding bacteria!

Reduce number of virus!

Avoiding Bacteria

Yay, that is the easiest bit. Just don't go where they are. Well, I know it's almost impossible to do so when you have kids. But seriously:

Don't go to work!

There is no point in getting into contact with more people than necessary. There are at least a few who will carry a nasty bug. And it's a bit unfair as well to spread your virus.

Avoid the doctors!

That's the place where wolves and vultures feel at their happiest. I wouldn't go close to a waiting room unless my sinuses were blocked with custard. By then it can't get worse anyway. But not a second earlier.

Fighting the Virus

There are two types of measures. One is to support the immune system so it can fight the virus better, the other is to actively reduce the number of virus that sit on and in the body.

Supporting the Immune System

Have a rest whenever possible! It is amazing what a bit of sleep can do for you. The body just doesn't have to bother about keeping temperature and heart rate and everything else at bay. So all the energy that is available can be used to build immune cells which will be able to attack and digest the virus.

Eat and drink healthily! Well you should do that anyway, but at times of illness the body usually signals needs by having certain cravings - mostly salty things like soup - so it should have it. Have a lot of Vit C! I hit two flies with one stone by having Multivitamin drink with added Vit C powder. I take 1g of Vit C three times a day. The powder I get from Germany online, unfortunately the site is in German. Alternatively almost every food store has some kind of a chewable pill, usually in a 500mg dosage. Have Paracetamol! Paracetamol has a bit of an inflammatory feature, which helps infected sinuses and since the whole thing usually goes along with a headache anyway, it is quite a relief. Be careful when you use Lemsip to drink. There is at least one version that already has Paracetamol in it. Read the labels for the daily dose and then make sure you won't overdose from using different sources of Paracetamol.

Reducing the Number of Viruses

Now that are the fun bits. The place where these buggers can be found is naturally in the sinuses and the mouth area - which are not easily cleaned. Unfortunately they are sitting inside, hence cleaning materials have to get there.
Although I don't like them very much I use nose drops to keep the nose unblocked. Aeration is important and debris has to be able to come out and transport virus and bacteria with it. One just has to be aware that nose drops can be addictive and can cause congestion when overused. So when the cold is gone, see to get rid of them as quickly as possible.

Inhalation! Steam is a really good cleaning material for every cavity. One either can take a bowl with hot (not boiling) water with a camomile tea bag, some rosemary, sage and/or thyme twigs, hang the head above the bowl with a towel thrown over the whole set up to create a tent. And then breathe and enjoy. Or you can get a device from a pharmacy which consists of a bowl where the water goes in, and a top bit with a nozzle kind of thing to put the nose into. With the ball one can puff a bit of air into the water so that steam rises through the nozzle. I personally don't like that thing because I tend to not keep it upright when sitting comfortably - with the result that the water keeps pouring over me since the two parts of it are not properly sealed against each other. Or you can do my brutal method of using a knob of VapoRub, a glass half full with hot water and a bunch of tissues - you will need them, believe me. It's a bit of a killer therapy, but the only one that really works for me. Once the VapoRub is in the water, take a deep slow breath in with one nostril blocked, breath out through the mouth and not above the glass to not blow the vapour away. Then it's the turn of the other nostril, and then breath in through the mouth. Do three to four times. By then the eyes are watering like a waterfall, one is sniffing and coughing and the vapours are gone. It sometimes is really hurtful when there are infected areas. But I go through with it thinking: Die you bastards! It usually is a bit messy to get rid of the glass with the oily stuff in it. So I put the spoon with which I put it into the water - use the wrong end, it's easier to handle - I put this spoon back in and let the water cool down. Then a thin layer of the rub base can be lifted off the surface and wiped off with a tissue, the rest is just plain water. I try to do this twice a day.
Tongue Cleaning! Oh well, nobody said that this is a nice subject. There are these ridiculous devices with which one is supposed to scrape off yukky bits from the back of the tongue. They were invented to prevent bad breath. The stuff that accumulates at the end of the reachable bit of the tongue usually doesn't come off from brushing teeth or using mouthwash and bacteria from food predigestion settle there and stink. Well, and this is a brilliant place for our viruses to take base camp. So be prepared for some gagging. BTW: I got mine from the dentist and it is metal. The plastic ones from the super stores were not really functional and are a bit wobbly and hard to manoeuvre.
Nasal Wash! That is the most disgusting thing of all. Wikipedia has it's own more sophisticated account, here is mine: The idea is to have water flowing into one nostril, from there into the sinuses and coming out the other nostril. Under certain conditions it goes the other way round and ends up in the throat. NICE! Especially if done with salt water, what is very efficient since none of the buggers (virus, bacteria, fungus even) like salt. Hence the craving for salty food. So there are these devices you can get from the pharmacy which work like a little syphon. One teaspoon sea salt (with no additives) dissolved in warm water. The lower end popped into one nostril, stay as upright as possible, breath through the mouth and wait for a bit - you'll see! Our bottle is rather good. It has a hole in the lid so it can be locked with a finger tip and with a bit of pressure the water flow can be adjusted. In the first picture it is upside down that is how I dry it. On bending the head towards one side, or when the outgoing nostril is blocked the water flows to the throat. It's horrible, but I always allow that for a bit so the salt gets everywhere. In the second picture it is locked, so no water comes out. To use, the green bit can be bent upward and a round knob to fit the nostril needs to be attached.

Well, it is all rather horrible, but it works. It's all better than ending up with a custard nose. However, best is to not get a cold at all.

Wishing you a healthy winter season!

From Strength to Freedom

First published 2007

At age 16 I was cute and sexy, so I was told – I thought I had fat ankles and bum. At age 21 I was through with several diets and still thought the same, always aware of my flaws. Looking back from now – gosh, I was cute and sexy – should have enjoyed it while I had it. Despite my worries I even joined the 80s mainstream and visited nude beaches and pools. Blissful times – bless us!

So I saw this cute boy at the beach. The haircut hilarious – his dad’s homemade scissor craft almost spoiled his chances – but that rear and these shoulders, …ahhh, and he was so young. How could I ever think that he would be interested? But he was!

We fell in love head over heals and I couldn’t understand that the one thing he loved most was my bum. I had these brilliant boobs at that time - not too big, not too small – and this guy was after the one bit I hated most, the one thing that was always in the way and didn’t allow me to wear nice clothes because they just wouldn’t fit.

Now we are married for more than a quarter of a century and until a few years ago I still didn’t believe him. He supported me through so many diets, although telling me that they weren’t necessary. He became chubby with me and now slim again – not by diet, though – and he claimed throughout that the rear is my best bit. Well the boobs have gone south meanwhile, so they don’t count anymore, but I find that the rear drifted the same direction – so, what’s to like about that?

Obsessions! Mirrors, windows, glass doors – staring at my image whenever possible, then getting depressed, like a self fulfilling prophecy.

Depression followed by food, getting fatter, depression, pretending to like myself because one has to pretend that these days: ‘I love my body the way it is!

‘NO,’ -  for crying out loud – ‘I DON’T’. I hate it, it has pains everywhere, I can’t do what I want to do because I’m breathless and stiff, a few more years and I will be in my menopause, then things might spiral out of control – panic mode!

At age 40 the decline got steeper. Why on earth does it always have to come to the worst before one actually does something about it? I could have saved me the depressions, the back pains, the lack of breath. And I could have saved me this staring around at parties in the hope to find at least one woman who looked more pathetic than I did.

I know, I know – there are people out there who have it worse. I know! I had everything I ever wanted: house, husband, part time job, garden, friends, ... But that is exactly what made it so bad. I had nothing in particular to complain about and was unhappy nevertheless. Meanwhile food had become the best of my friends. To whom can you talk about such a silly thing? People might just think I’m bonkers?

At age 43 eventually I found my path. It was right there in front of me, all these years. Remember his nice rear, and his shoulders? He was a bodybuilder. Not one of the meaty mountains. No, more like the Davidoff fragrance advert guy. And he taught me everything about it. I had worked out on and off, but never made it my way of living. Now I gave it a go and, … the result turned out to be a little bit different from what I had expected.

All my life was about belonging - even going to nude beaches. Gosh, everybody went there, no big deal – actually it was for me, but I never would have admitted to that. All the moaning about ‘I want to be able to wear this or that!’ and all the laments on ‘I need to look slim for this or that event!’, it is all about fitting in, isn’t it? We need to belong: ‘Oh, I so much wanted to belong’. I could have invented ‘BELONGING’. And then something amazing happened: I got muscles! Real ones! And I love them. It’s like creating a sculpture. I am in control. Eventually I am in control. What a great feeling!

AND…I am in control AND I am strong! I can do anything I want to! I am independent! The strength radiates into everything. I dare doing things I never dared doing before. All of a sudden ‘belonging’ is not an issue anymore. ‘Belonging’ is restrictive, what I want now is ‘FREEDOM’.

At age 46 I definitely don’t belong anymore. Some people look at me not really sure what to think – it makes me smile. Others, strangers approach me in the street to congratulate me on my shape - it fills me with happiness. Not wanting to belong anymore was one of the best decisions I’ve ever taken, apart from marrying my darling husband. Now I’m free to achieve whatever I want!

You Can't Cheat the Sandman

Some more thoughts about Christmas time. First published in 2008.

Two weeks ago I went shopping and came across a great offer on Panetone cake, this simple yet delicious Italian Christmas sponge cake. Well, one could make one from scratch - not that I ever tried, although I found a recipe - but I bought mine. What a good idea for an afternoon tea with the ladies, so I thought... Well, it's gone! I ate it... all of it... the whole kilo in 3 days!

I'm embarrassed, but it was soooo good. Firstly this is my favourite type of cake, and it's only on the market around Christmas. Secondly it keeps very well .. . OK, apparently not in my house, but generally you can keep it for about half a year.  So this cake is a great bargain.

There was just one thing that puzzled me: It was not THAT time of the month, and I thought I had learned to control myself rather well. Hmm?! I was fairly tired at that time though, only sleeping 5-6 hours per night, Detlef mothering me already: You should sleep more, that's not good for you,... Yeah, well I know!! But..!!!

However I couldn't help but think that the more I got tired, the more I was chomping away on this cake, wondering if there might be a connection. I remembered previous occasions where I just insisted on burning the candle from both ends and actually should have lost weight from all the activities, but got fatter instead. Then Detlef told me about something he had heard on the radio 'See, told you so!' style. Good girl that I am, I researched it with his help and it was broadcast on 'BBC2 Radio – Chris Evans drivetime, 22/11/07'. Dr. Adam Carey gave an interview on the effects of lack of sleep and this is what I understand from it:

It is one of the things where the body chemistry comes into play. There seem to be two chemical effects taking place due to lack of sleep.

Firstly, not sleeping enough means that cortisol, the bodies stress hormone, is rising. The body goes into energy saving mode when under stress ('starving' or 'high impact cardio exercise' - and apparently 'lack of sleep'). It means that the body takes energy from easily accessible sources like blood sugar and muscle, rather then bothering to attack the fat depots. When awake it demands fresh energy in form of being greedy for carbohydrates, or in my case: Panetone! And being still tired this is hard to resist anyway. Hence weight gain rather than loss, despite the active lifestyle.

Secondly, the levels of growth hormones are falling. Those are build while sleeping and are needed for all the repair work the body has to do. If growth hormones are low, the effect of exercises is wasted. Training is supposed to impose some kind of micro-damage on the muscle so that the body feels the need to repair and thus strengthen. With low levels of this hormone, on muscles will not grow despite the exercise. To cut a long story short:

Lack of sleep means more greed for calorie rich food, destruction of muscle tissue, restricted re-build of new muscle tissue, which altogether is resulting in a physically weak body with growing fat depots.

Yeiks!

Off you go ladies, have a nap, sleep your seven hours per night, see to get to bed before midnight - it's not just about beauty, it's about well being, fitness, lifestyle - everything! Start your time management by planning your sleep and then work backwards through the day. Be religious about it. It's for a good cause and your kids will learn from you. Hey - what a great excuse that is!

My new motto:

You can't cheat the Sandman!

Body and Mind

First published in 2007

There might be - no, I'm sure there will be - a lot of you disagreeing with what I'm about to say, and if I were face to face to you, you might be shouting by now. I'll say it anyway: I do not think that there are spiritual or esoteric things going on. It is all down to chemistry!

This doesn't make our bodies less magnificent: A single bad word from someone you don't even know can throw you into utter dismay while a stranger smiling at you in the street can make your day. Tiny signals we read from other people or our environment using our eyes, ears and noses indulge our bodies in a vast stream of chemical substances giving us feedback in form of feelings instantly, and some of it will happen on a subconscious level, so we might not even know why all of a sudden the mood is swinging.

The legacy of the ancestors ...
This is the legacy of our ancestors, who had to develop a refined feedback system in order to survive. Emotions created due to the release of chemicals are transformed into movement of the muscles at a speed which is actually rather mind-boggling. Robert Winston who is a very well known scientist once described the way we have evolved from our ancestors in a marvellous BBC TV-series called 'Human Instinct - how our primeval impulses shape our modern lives'. It is available as book as well, and also describes why some of the things we inherited are backfiring now.

A good example of how thinking the right thoughts can release the right chemicals for fulfilling a task, is playing golf. Since my husband started to play golf and I gave it a try for one summer as well, we noticed that our bodies respond to thoughts very instantaneously. It is something that  golfer all over the world will confirm:

Imagine a lake in front of you with some shrubs behind it. The task is to play the ball over the lake. There are three ways of thinking about it:

1. 'Oh great! Please not into the water' - The ball will quite definitely hit the water, because that is the image your brain is focused on: The water!

2. 'OK, let's do this, play over the water' - Better already, but there still is this image of water existent.

3. 'I want to hit that shrub with the purple flowers' - That is the one to go for. Use a phrase that takes the Angst-item out of the equation.

Adrenalin levels will go down, the eyes will measure the distance and send the respective chemicals to adjust the muscle power, and all will be well. OK, your ball might be stuck in the rough now.

That's how our ancestors survived and evolved. The ones who had the best internal drug adjustment achieved certain goals faster and more consistently, had more successful offspring, and got better through tough times; the others went down.

... and the civilised lifestyle
Pity just is, that our world has changed too quickly for our bodies to adapt to the modern civilisation. Our ancestors had fewer resources, and whenever they found carbos they had to stuff themselves, and that's why we recognise carbohydrate rich food instantly and like it so much. Carbos had to taste good so one would enjoy overeating on the randomly found resource and the fat depot would help bringing them through the next famine. Only that carbos are not random anymore, and we never have a famine.

We have lost the intuition and the naive approach on how to live our lives because we got overwhelmed by the enchantments of the modern world. If we could re-discover the rules by which the body plays it's game we could come a bit closer to understand what some call 'Spirit' or 'Mind', and what I like to call 'My Chemicals'. And it would allow us to decide more easily when wallowing in vice is OK, and when austerity is the motto of the day.

Get in control
Another reason why I like this 'Chemicals' approach is because they are part of the one big game. We might not have understood all the reactions that are going on, but whatever happens: It implies that the body consists of intertwined parts which all have their role to play. The 'Body & Spirit', 'Body & Mind' approach implies that there are two entirely different sides of  the same thing, one heavy and routed on the ground, and the other rather light and not easily to be located. It implies that those parts can be treated separately, and that they have to be put into some state of balance, as if they could be kept on different sides of a scale.

Already the language which I intuitively chose, implies that the body and the mind are handled... treated from the outside, to MAKE them behave a certain way, whereas the chemicals DO their bits and we might want to take measures to enable them to do better. To find my spirits - how do I do that? Calm down my mind - again, how am I supposed to do that when my hormones are playing havoc? But thinking in chemicals: They are mine, I am in a feedback loop with them, we are one.

If I feel sad I look sad, and if I feel happy I smile.

However: If I make a sad face I will become sad, and if I make a funny face I will feel happier. Again: This confirms the feedback loop I mentioned before. Visible signs of  emotions are created either by sensors like noses, eyes, ears and skin creating chemicals making muscles move a certain way, or moving the muscles a certain way can create the emotion without the trigger of an external sensor. And that means that WE are in charge of our own bodies, by feeding it a certain way, by keeping a particular posture  and by moving it, we have direct influence. No other person, guide, or instrument can take away emotional pain, but you yourself. You can put yourself in charge, and by supporting your body's chemistry you have direct influence on taming your demons.

Still not for the squeemish!

Follow-up on 'From Fluff to Buff ' and 'From Fluff to Buff - The Sequel'


Hands up! Who knows a place where the following comes together:

• Warm water,
• Good light,
• Towels on a hanger without getting wet,
• Mirror, preferably magnifying,
• Enough space to do the weirdest of stretches,
• Privacy,
• Glasses which don't slip of nose while doing stretches?

I am working on solving this riddle since beginning of 2008 now and still haven't found a solution that satisfies me entirely. I am talking about body hair. I am not getting any younger for crying out loud - I am not as bendy and half blind. But that doesn't mean that I will put up with it!

My first article about this issue produced a rather detached list of the various forms of hair removal. I tried to be open, however... hmmm sort of 12A approved. But I am telling you, I am now soooo close to using all the swear words I know!

After having researched all the more non-invasive options like creams, shaving, and epilating I moved on to waxing and then decided that this is all not working for me. All those methods don't solve the problem for good: I wanted to see those hairs dead as a dodo! Hence a while later my article on laser treatment.

Oh it did work, laser is great - a wee bit hurtful but great and worth every penny. I got so used to the fact not having to bother anymore, that I am now furious because it seems that the older I get the more this devilish body feature is fighting back. The fact that I keep coming back to the subject only shows the determination of this force of nature. Girls if you ever made jokes about women with a 5 o'clock shadow or a goatee - be aware that this might be you in a few years time - I am herewith pleating: Guilty!

And talking about the areas which are not instantly visible... you are thinking bikini... think a bit further; the above list of requirements is not the product of a sick brain, but well thought through. Will it end one day? I hope so! I cannot imagine myself giving up on the wish for the clean shaven look, whatever age I might get to.

Keep the laser hot ladies!